On March 13, 2020, the momentous pandemic took over the world and
She was forced to take a distance from others.
Distance was no longer an idea to study in her therapy, along with boundaries,
It was a thing that was a necessity.
The tools of which were face masks that just made her want to weep, hand sanitizer, and a measure of 6 feet.
It was good as a protection from some things and terrible as a way of life.
She had wanted to be the best at discerning boundaries, an expert,
And now everyone was a student of boundaries and distance.
She tried to stay calm and flexible in the face of forced distancing, but that was so very hard to do.
She humored herself with the knowledge that her dog’s leash was the 6-foot measure she should have between herself and others.
It was the first time she ever remembered the length of her dog’s leash, and now she would know it forever. And she would know the meaning of that distance. It would stick in her memory as a time when…
Then May 25, 2020, became a day of reckoning, and it brought a new aspect of distancing.
She found herself among the many people who saw another person, in full view, being murdered under the knee of a person who was bound to the duty to protect.
The grave injustice caused an excruciating ache of shame and grief that scratched at her heart and overcame her, laying her flat.
In that murder of George Floyd, she experienced a kind of angst that stirred feelings of distancing. She wanted to distance herself from humanity.
Embedded in this kind of distancing was a profound disconnection between soul, heart, and mind.
She was pained to know how those get so profoundly disconnected,
It caused her anguish that ripped at her gut, asking her to open to more pain, and that was something that she did not want to turn towards or let in.
The killing of George was put on full display, and she knew it to say,
this is who we are.
It is the way today.
Anger and hate trump all.
In the graphic video, close up of the murder, she saw a deep belief and pretending that said you are not human.
She watched a man believe that he got to treat another like something that needs to be under his control, under his knee.
She heard the murder speak volumes in the justification that if you are not like me, or I don’t like what you have to say, what you look like, or how you live. I don’t value you as a living, blood-filled, breathing human being.
I can kill you
And I will.
This was a world she was not made for.
She now found that Distancing had taken on so much more in potency than distance.